Denham, Debbie and Sadie’s story
Former pub landlord and nightclub doorman Denham Thomas, who lived in Hartlepool, died in October 2021, more than a decade after smoking robbed him of his health with COPD. His widow Debbie and daughter Sadie have shared Denham’s life story to encourage more people to get help to quit smoking.
By the age of 35, Denham was first diagnosed with chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) – a disease that destroys the lungs and is almost always caused by smoking. It confined him to a wheelchair from his mid-fifties, requiring full-time family care and oxygen.
Denham’s widow, Debbie, 59, went from being his wife to his carer. She and her daughter Sadie, 25, have spoken of the agony of seeing Denham struggling for breath, missing out on things like seeing his daughter graduate and meeting his new baby granddaughter Soul.
Debbie said: “Smoking changed Denham’s life changed completely, and it changed all our lives. It is so terribly sad thinking of all the things he missed out on.
“I first met Denham when he’d just been diagnosed with COPD. At the time, he was still a physically active man and was able to go to work as normal. He’d just have to do things that little bit slower as he would get out of breath really quickly. That was the first sign.
“His health deteriorated and it was heart-breaking to watch him get worse over the years. He would have panic attacks.
“Nothing can prepare you for how frightening it is to see someone close to you struggling to breathe. It was such an awful experience because whilst he was gasping for every breath and his lips going blue, all I could do was watch because if I tried to help it would only make the situation worse. He would tell everyone he could stop smoking and tell them: “You don’t want to end up in a wheelchair and on oxygen like me.”
“I would not have wanted anyone else to take care of him, but I became his carer rather than his partner, from helping him to put on his clothes; making his meals; washing his hair, and driving him around.
“We stopped being able to go out as a couple anymore and had to plan everything around making sure his oxygen cylinder was full even before stepping out the front door.
“When I looked at him sitting in his wheelchair struggling to breathe, it was hard to believe he was once a strong young man who loved his sports. He got depressed and I could see in his eyes how angry he was at what smoking did to him.
“As a family, I think we always tried to prepare for him to go not knowing how long he had, but when it happened it did not make it any easier.
Sadie, now 25, was a Champion of Great Britain boxing in 2017 after years of dedication through her teenage years when she wished her dad was fit enough to train with her. Now she has talked about her dad missing out on precious moments in life such as graduating as an engineer and becoming a mum.
Sadie, who now coaches boxing for local youngsters, said: “Even as a child I knew things were different because of my dad’s health, and it just got worse over the years. Like whether it was too far for him to walk to the toilet. When I boxed I just wished he could train with me.
“Before I was born, my dad was a keep fit instructor. But I don’t actually remember him being fit and well. I only ever remember him being on oxygen in a wheelchair 16 hours a day. He needed it to live. There was a trail of tubes up the stairs.
“He said he always felt bad because he wanted to do sports with me but he couldn’t. We couldn’t do much as a family. He would have loved to do so many things but couldn’t, even walking down the street with me. He missed so much. He never even got to meet my daughter and his granddaughter Soul. He would have loved her.”
Watch Denham’s story below
